An ex-boyfriend once told me: a relationship is between two people, who cares what the rest of the world thinks. At the time I obviously agreed with him, only to find out in the cold morning light that he had been sleeping with another girl in the 48hours that I had left him. I was 20, it was complicated.
Tonight I was going to write about my love/hate relationship with the gym (in fact it might well show up tomorrow) but when my flatmate came home and reminded me of her friend’s story it just sparked a little teenage anger. Do you know what I mean? The kind of anger about people’s actions; judgemental anger because surely they should know better. The naive anger that passionately believes it is justified, undiluted by moral junxtapositions that make you re-evaluate your own.
Life is complicated and relationships are hardly ever the straight-forward fairytale romances you want them to be. People come in all kinds of colours, not just black and white and the more time passes the more baggage people carry with them. We all make our choices based on past experiences, we show different sides to ourselves to different people and we might see different sides to ones around us in different settings.
We all evolve, we all change. Yakkety Yak: Boring.
The ex-boyfriend described above, probably has conquered his demons by now and has a very happy life with a new girlfriend and might well have forgotten about me. No major harm was done – mainly because, be it with a teeny tiny hiccup in the beginning, in the end I did make up my own mind and moved on.
Thus this story made me angry and it made me a little sad: this is not a 17year old, or a 20year old experimenting. This is a 30yr woman making a conscious (unconscious– bad joke) decision. I can only imagine the trauma her family must go through and I can see my friend fretting over her reaction to the supposedly happy news.
Who can say what the right thing to do is? If one can only speak for oneself ,I will hand it to you on a plate with a gift wrapped promise not to kill you – and if I try you must forgive me:
Should it god forbid ever happen to me, please consider this written consent to stage an immediate intervention if I am showing clear intentions to turn a girlfriend- beater into a wife-beater.
Was signed sealed and delivered on the 10 of March 2010. Thank you x.