Mad Hatter’s Morning

Talk about surreal morning: I have been up for an hour and already I have stepped into the parallel world that is my parent’s life in my old childhood home. I tell you: life is just not the same right here.

My mother for some reason keeps the radiator on at night, which leaves you gasping for air in the morning, feeling dehydrated and slightly nauseous. Of course I should just turn the radiator down, but the first night it always gets me. (Thank god, she has stopped putting our kids bedding on the bed; trying to entice your 19 year old to come home more often doesn’t work with bedding that has little bright clowns on it mother.)

As I walked into the kitchen this morning, I hugged my mum poured myself a massive glass of water to fight the dehydration and I saw her looking at me. “What?” Well she had this great plan and for its full effect, I have to explain the process of how she got there.

After I have one eye fixed this week, I will have to wear a contact in the other, up until two days before I have the other one fixed. Leaving me with one (hopefully ) good eye and one I cannot see with for two days. So mum suggested that I have one glass in my glasses changed to zero, so I can wear them. For two days. I said it seemed an awful lot of faff. For two days. Surely it would be a waste of money and time. For two days.  Ok, the plan got even better: maybe she could take the glass out herself.

No! For god sake mother: it is for Two Days. Why on earth would you try to break out a glass out of a perfectly nice pair of glasses for Two Days? Plus why would I want to walk around with a pair of glasses that have one glass missing for Two Whole Days. It will just look stupid.

So I walked into the livingroom where my dad was sitting, to tell him about this crazy new plan that mum had thought up : breaking the glass out of my glasses. First I had to explain the how/what/and where, because I am sure that somewhere he is aware that I am having my eyes fixed but might just not be able to put his finger on it quite. The worst part is: he then thought it a very acceptable idea that my mum would try to break the glass out of the glasses. How else would I see for Two Days? Maybe I will try to use my working eye, or maybe we can confront the flakey doctor lady with this dilemma and she can give us a solution. For some reason I don’t think she will advise to just break a glass out of your glasses.

I could not believe I was having this mad conversation 30 minutes after waking up. So to move things forward I decided to look up where we had to go and how to get there, checking with my mum she hadn’t already done it.  The following conversation took place:

“Mum I’m going to look up the route but I’m sure you have done that already three or four times right? ”

“No I haven’t, go right ahead.”

“Ok then, if you haven’t then why is there a print-out of the route right here, next to the computer?” 

Breakfast conversation in our family...

“Oh I only looked it up once, not three or four times.”

 “That was meant as a joke, what is the point of me looking it up if you have already done it?”

“Well maybe you wanted to know.”

“Ok shall I drive then?”

“You can if you want to.”

“Haven’t you just bought a sat-nav; I’ll just use that then.”

“Oh ok.” (this is done in a slightly worried/ disappointed tone.)

“Well mum, you cannot expect me to learn this route of by heart.”

“Oh no  and I have only printed out the last bit because I am familiar with where we are going.”

“Ah, does this mean that you will be driving then?”

“Yes.”

I tell you, parents: mad hatters both of them.

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