Rien de Rien

Lying on the grass in my parents’ garden, enjoying the sunshine and watching the clouds roll by. I finally reflect on the decisions I have made in the last four days and the massive changes it may bring.

It has been a rollercoaster. From the moment I handed in my notice, a group e-mail to announce my departure went out within the hour and I received my resignation acknowledgement from HR by e-mail in two. Coincidental bulk action HR-side (‘We always handle resignations on Thursday before 5pm.’)  or not, there was most definitely no going back.

The next day,  the support and care that my colleagues showed for my well-being was down-right overwhelming and the offers were way beyond the call of duty. I had expected to feel worried and yes perhaps even a little upset about the situation but Friday I came out of the office walking on clouds. Their kindness gave me hope on so many more levels than just being able to make a living.

The Saturday I played my songs in Balham. I went to the event on my own and went early to show my support. because I knew I had to leave fairly soon after I played.

A little intimidated by the woman walking past me wearing a T-shirt “This is What A Feminist Looks Like” I walked into the room. Interesting. As it was a fundraiser there was merchandise, badges with slogans like Eve Was Framed and mugs reading We are not Beautiful. We are not Ugly. We are Angry.  Shit, I was wearing full on make up; they were going to kill me. If not for the make-up, then I’d be lynched for the middle of the road, not-so-hard-line stance I would sing about in two hours.

Luckily I found the bouncy and non-threatening  event-coordinator Catherine. Her enthusiasm and laid-back approach put me at ease. I enjoyed the poets, the singers and when I played my songs, the audience laughed. In a good way. My prejudice crumbled, yes I’ll admit: bigotry is not exclusively white indeed!

Sunday I managed to drag myself to the gym at such a late hour for my 45 min run,that I then had to rush to Greenwich village in an attempt to find my presents for the family’s new addition and the family’s new addition’s big sister. DLR’d it home, quick shower, fling a weeks worth of clothes in a weekend bag, DLR to the airport, catch flight, go home.

Here I am. Big decisions were made in a fairly short time. Still as I find myself lying on the grass in my parents garden, enjoying the sunshine and watching the clouds roll by, I think: Non, je ne regrette rien.

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