Pokerface / The “My Friends” test

This weekend I met up with friends, one of them just bought a house with her man. Let it be known: not a flat, not an apartment, no ma’am a Real House! It comes with a garden with chicken-holding potential, two cars (and a business-van) on the driveway. It was very exciting to see that in five, ok six, years after graduation this all happened for her.

We had a barbecue, slept in the sun and I was taught the art of poker. It was interesting to see how different our playing strategies were and perhaps we resembling of our different lives. After learning the rules (it seemed that every household has their own variation, it’s a bit like Spaghetti Bolognese…) my strategy  seemed to bet whenever I even thought I stood a chance. This made me win the first round and lose everything in the second: it was all or nothing. Then I learned to moderate and to fold sometimes, but that was a bit boring.

All or nothing, or I get bored. Story of my life. As we are approaching a year since I have decided to change and rearrange my life, it seems wise to evaluate.

I am happy with the work-in-progress. I have made decisions, I have travelled not to find myself but to find people who think alike. I  came back with confidence, a renewed focus and I have applied myself to my new goal. There seem to be a lot of projects in the pipeline and I hope something will pay off. I have a sense direction and the feeling of freedom.

On the other hand: the novelty of crashing on someone’s floor is wearing off, the lack of income is getting a little ridiculous and the call of the money-making dream-squashing Sirens is getting louder. So are the screams of my heart for New York. On top of that are the moments of doubt that pop up : though they have stopped sending me into irrational panic, I cannot yet ignore them.

So sometimes I do what I like to call ” My Friends Test”. I think of all my gorgeous friends, both old and new, who have encouraged and supported me. If any of my friends would be in my exact situation, feeling exactly how I feel: what would I advise them?

I would tell them to keep going. To try to fix the money situation with non-soul destroying paid job but to not lose focus now they’ve gained momentum. To keep an open mind to any opportunities. I would believe in their abilities and trust their decision-making.  I would say that they deserve to be happy.

I would want the best for them, so why would I accept less for myself?

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