This Week (Wait)

What a week: even the optimist in me has to admit it is getting tough. I am not just talking about the last month, I am talking about the last year, maybe even the last two – who knows.

It is all going well: I am confident, strong and I am focussed. Still sometimes it feels like I only have a hundred projects out there and all I can do is wait for something to pay off. I am hopeful while it also feels like I have been running a marathon and I’ve finally reached the last stretch. It is so close I can smell it, whatever it may be, but one thing is sure: I’m not there yet.

So in a mix of frustration, hope and a little exhaustion I found Mr Alexi Murdoch who managed to sum it up for me, more eloquently then I could ever put it:

Mission Impossible: Bridesmaids

If you think I am actually going to write about the film Bridesmaids you’re sadly mistaken. That’s not to say I don’t want to, no I would actually Love to. That is love with a capital L. The most buzzed? /hyped?/ talked-about? comedy of the summer written by Kirsten Wiig and Annie Mumolo is annoyingly still coming up on Google as “The Film Produced by Judd Apatow.” I know, it is still a fact but it’s grating nevertheless.

So yes female movie written by two women, starring six women and it’s not Mamma Mia or Nancy Meyers material, (and I am not qualifying that! Before people get angry with me…) it intrigues me. I am looking forward to it, so much that I have been ignoring the reviews. I really just want to see it and make up my own mind.  (The other day I did read in an interview with Kirsten that she had written the script in six days with  just a screenwriting book by her side… that was a little annoying too. Then  she admitted it took four years to edit and shape the project. Thank God. There is no superhuman out there.)

Now if only London Transport will let me make it to the cinema I would be very grateful. I had planned to go and see Bridesmaids two times now and every single time there was trouble on the Tube, making me miss the film. Last time there were queues outside the station, people standing on the pavement waiting to get in. That was over-egging it a little bit I thought.

So just as a precaution I am not going to tell you when I am trying to go next. (You never know who might be listening…) As soon as I have accomplished my mission though, you will be the first to know. Here is hoping…

Pokerface / The “My Friends” test

This weekend I met up with friends, one of them just bought a house with her man. Let it be known: not a flat, not an apartment, no ma’am a Real House! It comes with a garden with chicken-holding potential, two cars (and a business-van) on the driveway. It was very exciting to see that in five, ok six, years after graduation this all happened for her.

We had a barbecue, slept in the sun and I was taught the art of poker. It was interesting to see how different our playing strategies were and perhaps we resembling of our different lives. After learning the rules (it seemed that every household has their own variation, it’s a bit like Spaghetti Bolognese…) my strategy  seemed to bet whenever I even thought I stood a chance. This made me win the first round and lose everything in the second: it was all or nothing. Then I learned to moderate and to fold sometimes, but that was a bit boring.

All or nothing, or I get bored. Story of my life. As we are approaching a year since I have decided to change and rearrange my life, it seems wise to evaluate.

I am happy with the work-in-progress. I have made decisions, I have travelled not to find myself but to find people who think alike. I  came back with confidence, a renewed focus and I have applied myself to my new goal. There seem to be a lot of projects in the pipeline and I hope something will pay off. I have a sense direction and the feeling of freedom.

On the other hand: the novelty of crashing on someone’s floor is wearing off, the lack of income is getting a little ridiculous and the call of the money-making dream-squashing Sirens is getting louder. So are the screams of my heart for New York. On top of that are the moments of doubt that pop up : though they have stopped sending me into irrational panic, I cannot yet ignore them.

So sometimes I do what I like to call ” My Friends Test”. I think of all my gorgeous friends, both old and new, who have encouraged and supported me. If any of my friends would be in my exact situation, feeling exactly how I feel: what would I advise them?

I would tell them to keep going. To try to fix the money situation with non-soul destroying paid job but to not lose focus now they’ve gained momentum. To keep an open mind to any opportunities. I would believe in their abilities and trust their decision-making.  I would say that they deserve to be happy.

I would want the best for them, so why would I accept less for myself?