Apologies, I have been neglecting this blog for so long. There are a lot of reasons why this has happened and I really did not want to dwell on it. Yet as I was told today by a very observant friend (“That’s my job!” I can hear her shout – yes, she is also a qualified therapist, so she is trained to be observing…) I don’t internalise well.
In fact, my internalisation process sucks: it’s not internal at all! It breaks out in patches on my face and last week my left-eye started twitching… My stress has taken to new levels. The thing is that I have absolutely nothing to stress about – let me explain:
I’ve got a job as a writer of sorts! They pay me enough to survive which is fine for now, to be fair – I still love the writing part of the job.
I am about to move house – again, and hopefully I can stay there for longer than a month. The room wasn’t ready for the end of the month and I had to find a roof for a week or two. This is not a big deal! I live in London, there is always a place to stay. In the end it actually all worked out, I will live out of two bags for 10 days as I trek around but it is all good. It really is.
I have to remind myself that the basics are covered: somewhere to sleep, food to eat. Tick and tick! Right?
Scratch the surface and there it is… my confession to anyone who has recently exclaimed their flattering admiration for my gypsy lifestyle to pursue the dream: It is tiring. I am tired. I am physically exhausted.
I am getting by thanks to family, friends and a little faith but I am ready for a base. Perhaps if I don’t have to wonder where I will sleep next week, I will have time again to engage with what I love best. I need to stabilise the basics to be able to focus on the roller coaster of a dream.
Never mind, it is all part of the ride. I just wanted to let you know I am still here. Maybe I wanted to let myself know I am still here. I am still here and I haven’t just given up.