Three years ago this month, I left my last ‘proper’ job or what felt like my last ‘proper’ job: the 9-5 in the office kind of job. One I rolled into and left with as much bang as is still decent: off to find what I loved doing.
“Wanting to write” was more a rough direction, rather than a clear destination. Over the years it grew into one, mostly by just doing it, trying it out, honing the skill. Writing took on many forms: reviews, articles, pilot-scripts, theatre scripts, blogs… I helped people and businesses translate manuals and contracts, and I’m currently working with a friend: writing press releases and marketing material for her fashion agency.
I attended a screenwriting and a scriptwriting course, meeting similar souls and making new friends. It takes time but it pays off: tonight I had a meeting about a logo for the theatre company I am part of. It may seem a small step but it is one step forward and I’m super proud of our efforts.
I put my hours in and not much of it is paid, which means that there is still a money-job on the side but even that feels just part of the bigger picture. It’s been three years since my last ‘proper’ job and it hasn’t felt like I have had to work ever since.
One day I woke up and found myself yet again in the eye of the storm. Despite having become quite the expert in weathering these transitional moments, I still have to grit my teeth. Through the years I have noticed different responses that are triggered in dealing with change:
The initial emotional reaction: I have learned to sleep on this reaction. If I kept acting upon this first instinctive jolt, I would a) keep crying b) keep leaving the country.
The organisation mode: jotting down problems, listing solutions. Actioning the latter in fits and starts of productivity.
The Laissez- Faire attitude: indulging in minor hedonism to balance the tension. This part can get messy and expensive but as long as no one gets hurt in the process, I have learned to just give into it. It beats breaking down and the time it takes to get up again.
Throughout your heart beats in hope, fear, frustration, elation and survival: thinly veiled underneath the harness of experience. Of course, solutions will come and new situations will become the new normal, but before that, in between the old and new normal, there is a great vulnerability.
It is said that people walk in and out of your life for a reason. In my case these people were often involved in situations, which taught me what not to do or how not to act. All in hindsight – of course…
For the first time in my life, I have had another encounter. One that apart from causing a little heartache, showed me something incredibly positive: “Look how far I have come.” It is no secret I have struggled to find what I love doing as this blog has documented the ride. It was all worth it and I actually am, despite recent upsetting events, very happy with the life I have worked to create.
This to such an extent that I can blame no one who is embarking on the same adventure. Despite my personal feelings, I also know that some journeys are better undertaken solo as it can get a very messy affair.
He has made me appreciate how much I have grown in the last few years, the things I have achieved, the skills I have gained, and the confidence and strength I have gathered. Alas, it is over but I wish him all the best – thanks for the laughs, be well, keep safe and try not to break anything.