All change, all change

About eight months ago, I was given a bracelet: a ribbon, upon which I made three wishes as three knots tied it to my wrist.  The idea being that the ribbon will break when the three wishes have come true.

Of course, the ribbon is mostly symbolic, reminding  you of your wishes and thus steering you subconsciously.  Yet as my bracelet is showing some wear and tear, I actually start to worry a little: What if it breaks before (I will have made) my wishes come true?

Has the magic gone?

I have noticed a change in my life recently, on one level there is a new calmness as the two years on The Square have allowed me to rest and pursue my writing. On another level, the raw drive is fading. The drive gave me high highs and low lows and though it would drive me crazy at times, I am a little scared of losing it:  I am not yet where I want to be and I have relied on that drive to keep me going.

My priorities seem to shift and after years of searching, pushing, fighting, a new chapter is beginning – it all happens so naturally, that I know I cannot fight it. It is a different, less volatile energy but as I am writing this, I realise it is still a power source.

Perhaps I shouldn’t fear, perhaps the magic is not gone and has only transformed.

Shock to the System

Driving into the city, there is an overwhelming glare of light.

People are rushing past me.

Blue lights, sirens on their way to another emergency.

A lady tries to scam me out of a couple of quid but she works the block – I have seen her before.

The smell of  traffic, stale beer and food.

The shop is crowded at 10.30pm (not 22.30) and drenched in neon light.

As I spot the cement bags in front of  house, I expect the building site that is to be found upstairs.

After 15 days of quiet, of family and friendship, I lie in bed in an empty house and remind myself that I choose to be here.